Reading

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: enchanted forest ~ barbie swan lake game ost

Entry tags:

m:vg: minecraft

minecraft ~ recently

so ... minecraft . lots of stuff keep busy and creative recently , which is just what need . build horse stable , after talk with one of TES friends reignite some of old horse interests , and now want to try collect all variants ... even though not really able to ride . saddles now have craftable recipe which use iron ingot , and even aside from that , tiny player height means barely see anything when ride horse .

also have enormous cave system that still find new branches in , and finally commit to play with that . problem was that main opening was one of those horrible tight squeeze little cracks in ground , so to actually get anything usable for entrance take lots of commands and TNT . really happy so far though , and have this sort of field trip vibe about place - showcases of collections and fun things , like convert skeleton dungeon to tiny little showcase exhibit .

also get funny idea to make strip club somewhere among forest , question is how and where to make that fit . still not in best shape , but life is life .

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: songs from a deep forest ~ paul george webb

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everyday: whine and moan

(no subject)

always generally kind of expect communities on tumblr to have some toxic pits and all that , but ... honestly feel like intersex community can be some of worst . have intersex blog but recently not even feel like anything to say other than latest piece of drama or latest fight , and if try to stay out , people will work very very hard to drag in anyway . like make that blog because main blog feel unsafe for intersex topics , but now intersex one feel just as much unsafe .

well . at least keep head afloat recently with minecraft projects and TES friends .

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: sweet dreams, little gnome ~ deep gnome

Entry tags:

everyday: dream journal

dream journal ~ fever dreams

write some more stuff for private dream journal , and have this little thing about fever dreams now . maybe this is interest to someone , because apparently other people get fun and wacky fever dreams :P

to knowledge so far, fever dreams manifest as essentially infinite, unwinnable situations.

this can include:
* strange, infinite fractal imagery
* attempts to plead or bargain with someone who will not listen
* same events on infinite loop; may be very short events, just seconds long
* tests and trials in which every solution is wrong, despite all of best efforts

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: fairy summer flight ~ ravnskjold

Entry tags:

everyday: dream journal

dream glossary

despite have this dream journal for so long , actually struggle to articulate some parts of dreams , so try and come up with some ways to talk about those parts .

framing and appearance : how dream try to contextualise scene , even if actual appearance is inaccurate - such as frame as minecraft , but do not actually appear to be within minecraft game world . framing and context can change over dream , which make things weirder .

cutaways : same usage as in film , dream cut to another scene and then back again . cutaway can have unique framing and appearance too , like one scene frame as real life and one as video game , even if both physically appear identical . cutaways can also take over as main part of dream .

tileswap : one form of dream fluidity , in which people and objects change as location change not unlike tilemaps in certain kinds of video games , but generally retain role such as friend , animal companion , or important object . not always guarantee to happen , most often notice when go through doors , or cross over some kind of boundary like between grass and sand .

wrong warp : another form of dream fluidity , term also inspire by video games . when doors , pathways , and other locations simply do not lead where expect . this could mean that bedroom door actually lead to aquarium of piranhas , or that character within dream give directions that end up false .

randomisation / replacement : another form of dream fluidity . when characters , objects , and other set pieces simply change form as kossai shift view point . can be similar to tileswap , but much less stable , and may lose associated role . this can also include locations , such as walk through hallway , then turn around to see now stand in kitchen .

in-dream memory : what kossai actually remember within dreams . might lose friend to randomisation , but will not necessarily remember friend was there to begin with , and thus continue on as normal . other times might remember these changes , and then that become plot point of dream .

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: sweet's beast tuning wip yayyy <3 ~ kossai cover, original by menday-P

Entry tags:

divergence: speech ability

ridiculous nonsense

just remember one of most ridiculous things someone say to kossai so might as well explain .
not much secret kossai use and enjoy utau , with variety of voicebanks , right ? well one time , someone hear kossai's AAC and ask why kossai do not just use voice to make AAC voicebank , " like that utau thing " .

1. utau is built for japanese language first , which have less individual phonemes to account for than languages like english .
2. utau is built for voicebanks to sing , which means those phonemes generally more articulate than speech where people can do all sorts of wacky shortenings and slang .
3. utau require user to do so much work to tune and tailor for best result , especially because different voicebanks have different features and methodologies .
4. there is no AAC kossai know of which allow user to just create fully custom voicebanks , especially because would have to be able to fucking speak to make one to begin with , and this is extremely long process . at most will have capability to record sound bites for specific button clips , say if someone have name that AAC lack phonemes for , that person can record sound bite to play instead of AAC voice .

do kossai have some personal utau voicebanks ? of course , think fun to mess around even if obviously not fluid or clear . but this was just absolutely ridiculous nonsense from someone who A. do not understand what talk about and B. do not think kossai's thoughts real unless come from " actual voice " .

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: swivel ~ rebecca tripp cover, secret of mana ost

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everyday: whine and moan

gender

some days , very quickly recognise when gender is maidenly . other days , just completely miss and feel weird creep in bones until something finally break .
today is one of those latter days , so just feel sad more than anything . gently push sadness onto characters now .

Current Mood: contemplative

Entry tags:

everyday: intermittent psychosis

psychosis reflection

there is something nice about ability to casually talk about psychosis . on one hand do think have sort of " luckier " perspective in that way , because specifically short episodes - never have any that persist overnight , so can look back and reflect pretty soon after .

but think anyone should be able to , really - only problem which kossai have , and probably others as well , is know when something too vulnerable or sensitive to share in certain settings .

like sometimes might not think bad but then someone else act like look at hydra , and have to figure out , is that general reaction to psychosis because of stigma , or was something there too sensitive ? and same for vulnerability , like , have to try figure out if someone who want to use this for bad , could . sometimes prefer to err on side of caution and not share even mundane things , but sort of hurt to bottle in like that .